It’s getting late and it’s getting dark. People are retreating and gathering around their television sets. It may be artificial but at least it’s a glow you can always rely on. Their window to the world while I’m peering through a real one. Left eye to the sky and the other looking inwards, scoping for memories that will tell me change doesn’t have to be inevitable. But my head is empty and the stars are flickering and I have to get out for a sec. I put away the phone book on my lap and open the front door, I lay one hand on the street in an almost petting-like manner. The pavement and the earth below are cooling off. Inner peace strikes me before I realize I look like a fruit kneeling down like this. No cars pass by here this late so I guess I can act as nutty as I want. And if someone does see me acting all weird I just trust on God to tell them how I really feel, maybe they can feel it too for a minute. Or just long enough to get them through another day in this town… In reality though, they will just shake their heads in disbelief and pray for me next Sunday in hopes of relieving me from all the weirdness. I guess it comes down to which side God chooses to be on, and I never win this kind of situation…I head back inside and pick up the phone book. I have a name and a town and now I have to find the address. Black ink of a thousand names starts to wear off on my browsing finger and I’m wondering who these people are. My nerves are twitching and I feel pathetic. Is this even legal? I manage to find what I’m looking for albeit with a few more options than I expected. But I live life on the edge and I’m taking another stab in the dark. The note I’ve been having in my back pocket for what seems to be a thousand years already is burning right through my pants. Maybe God’s with me after all and He’s giving me a sign. I scribble down a random address on the back of my hand and head out. My heart is doing backflips and my stomach is slow dancing with my intestines. My ribs ache and I’m pretty close to losing it. The madness of my quest is starting to sink in…
But the night is welcoming and the stars tell their stories to calm me down. I’m not realizing it right now but the scenery is being etched in my mind as I roll into it. Reason is starting to sip through the cracks of my maddened mind. And for now I’m just a kid on a bike with his mind set on something he’ll never have. That is a nice thought to hold onto as I take a left into your street and start counting numbers… Everything else I was having on my mind before tonight is now completely gone and I’m so tranquil that it feels as if my spirit is actually leaving my body. There’s this bench right in front of your house, the kind that’s randomly scattered all over the country, and I sit down for a minute. I play with these little rocks I picked up from your driveway but I’m not here to wake you up tonight. Hell, I don’t even know which window is yours, or if you even live here for that matter. By morning I’ll be gone and no one will ever know I was here, including me… hopefully. But that’s just wishful thinking. I close my eyes to reminisce about days when everything wasn’t completely hopeless but I can only picture you sleeping. I get up and sigh. But there's no way back and I can't slow down.
Or how some teen punk with his heart on his sleeve ripped off LIFETIME and totally got away with it.
Dedicated to Sean McGrath, for obvious reasons…
Peace.
Dedicated to Sean McGrath, for obvious reasons…
Peace.
